How could you be anything but cold in -20 degrees? It’s insane to think that I work in a place that is colder than most in the middle of a winter anywhere on earth. Even in the middle of July. It was 95 degrees or higher throughout most of that month, but I had the best air conditioning of anyone I knew. Then August hit. When I say it hit, I mean it hit me. I’d been doing quite well for several months when I found myself no longer motivated by my surroundings. I had been reveling in the fact that I was actually feeling good for a change. There I was, in a low stress job, enjoying the blessings of a job that allowed me to leave it where it lay and truly embrace those things that I worked for. I was able to spend more time with my wife, at our lovely home we bought two years before and with the yellow lab whose name I’m afraid to mention here due to possible copyright/trademark infringement. For the sake of this post we’ll use what we call her legal name, Professor Marles Q. Barkley. She’s a very lovable, and as labs are known for, loyal shadow…er companion.
Anyway, I found myself going to a dark place again, this time felt worse than before. Before it was like I was in a fog of non-feeling. At that time we found out that I suffer from depression and general anxiety disorder. Panic attacks were my worst nightmare and trust me, if you’ve ever experienced one, everything that feels remotely similar to that after the first, you almost panic for the thought of another. This time around was different. I wasn’t really expecting it, since I had been feeling good for several months, but the melancholy was setting in and by early September I was in another deep hole of depression. With that denial came some very uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t control them and thusly could not concentrate on anything but those thoughts and feelings. It led me to a very necessary leave of absence from that arctic exposure. It’s been a rough 2011 emotionally. Sometimes you have to experience a low to experience new heights.
During my leave of absence I gained some new perspective, experienced a revival of sorts and found myself in the world-wide web blogosphere. I decided to blog about a journey that I have yet to find out where it leads. I am exploring possibilities formerly left to dreams and regrets. At first I was blogging almost daily and immersing myself in as much voiceover stuff as I could possibly find. Inevitably being a newbie to the voiceover industry meant my leave of absence would not be permanent and that I would have to return to that -20 degree environment. We got bills you know.
So far, it feels different. I have a renewed sense of direction. I feel better able to manage my depression and anxiety. Let me be clear, the largest reason is not the therapy, the medicine or even the following of this dream. I am where I am today because of the love and belief of the woman who is my wife. She has carried our family through this difficult year and for that I am most appreciative. Because of her support I am able to get up at 3:30 a.m. and trudge off to work for a 10-12 hour day of picking boxes of frozen food (ice cream, baked goods, tv dinners, turkeys, etc.) It’s because of her deep abiding love for me that I am able to feel good at work and look forward to coming home to her. It’s because of her belief in me that I can lift yet another 60 lb. box of turkey onto my pallets and be excited about spending time in my studio and working on the next audio VocalMusing, the next church announcements for the coming Sunday, my next blog entry and practice towards becoming a mainstay in the voiceover industry.
I found encouragement in a -20 degree environment. It’s cold at work, but it’s so very warm at home. Thank you my love.